Zigging Road

Zigging Road

By Armando Ortiz

On the splendid heights of dreams, the size of Himalayan Mountains, where you find sacred crystal streams.

Is how I feel when I hear your voice and the words that reach my ears put all frustrations at rest.

But I wonder where these rivers will take me.

Will I meander through gentle ravines and silent valleys where the water glides through the surface of the earth?

Will the journey lead us to violent clashes and tumultuous rapids that slam onto boulders of granite.

This dream turned reality is uncertain and I wonder how much longer am I able to handle the twists and turns of these unknown rivers that become asphalt.

You told me of a deeper good that can be found dwelling in my heart and of the service given to communities.

You were eager to hear my daily battles with youth and told me it was just normal situations in a teacher’s life.

But I feel like I can’t help you, your course of travel has been turbulent and chaotic with an ebb and flow of violence, and how am I to respond to such realities?

I'm there to listen, but can’t stop you from reminiscing about those days.

Uncertainty with the future is a double edge maze.

Do I want to complicate my life with more problems?

Does that plastic water bottle have vodka?

Is that where your fear of loneliness stems?

Should I not care and just enjoy the ride?

Jumping out before the raft sinks to the bottom of rushing waters or right before it flies off a waterfall cliff?

What is love?

What is patience?

Where does kindness lie?

Can it be found under a soothing voice or in the laughter of a mermaids’ pleasure?

Can it be found in my pleadings to cease the drinking?

Cease the mourning?

In many ways you were my rescuer, but I soon found that you too were barely afloat, and disheveled after tempestuous rapids and crazy roads.

A siren swept by the violent waters of a typhoon.

You’ve reached the bottom many times, but have you truly touched the surface of the volcano?

I don’t cry as I did when I let go of your hand at the airport that first time, but there is just an interminable sadness that surrounds me like an aura of uncertainty.

Life is so unstable and with you the ground seemed firm, but what is up ahead and what will we face?

Will you demand your luxurious lifestyle and eat out every day or settle for a common man’s life home cooked meals?

Will you be glad with simple clothes and a gentle warm hand?

I aimed too high and seemed to have fallen to the ground and it appears that whoever I meet is on shaky ground or doesn’t want me around.

I miss you, and love you, and so I think of you, but I have to let go, for your sanity and mine.